Named by Newsweek as "One of the Top Young Women to Watch for in the New Century," Michele Serros is the author of "Chicana Falsa and other stories of Death, Identity and Oxnard," "How to be a Chicana Role Model," "Honey Blonde Chica," and her newest young adult novel, "¡Scandalosa!"
A former staff writer for The George Lopez Show, Serros has written for the Los Angeles Times, Ms. Magazine, CosmoGirl, and The Washington Post and contributes satirical commentaries for National Public Radio. Originally from Oxnard, CA, she is currently working on a new novel, "A (Sorta) Unmarried Mexican."
Photo: Marie Gregorio-Oviedo
Michele's contribution to Typing In Public:
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Unfortunately, I think this applies to most people in our modern society today. This is a juxtaposition of modern technology and how it has transformed us and of good old-fashioned going out and being social. The technological world has successfully sucked in children at younger and younger ages, to the point where they are playing video games for hours a day instead of going out, running around, getting some sun and breathing fresh air. It also shows how adults have lost touch with the people that they cared most about at one point in time. I believe this is because of the increased stress Americans place on themselves when it comes to the workplace. We spend way too much of our time worrying about work and taking it home with us, to the point where we, again, lose time for socializing in the real world, not the cyber one.
ReplyDeleteThe other important issue to note is the compromise between two people in a friendship. It is clear that if there is not some level of equality in a friendship, it is doomed from the start. It's the same situation with romantic relationships. If there is no give and take, one person is usually at an advantage most of the time and it is unhealthy. The relationship cannot persist.
We may be able to escape the real world through our technology a lot of the time, but little things like these password hints always come back to haunt us, reminding us of good times and, hopefully, inspiring some to go out, rekindle old friendships and breathe some fresh air.
Missy Cochran
This quote has an intriguing way of showing the common falling apart between friends as they mature with the changing times. Most friendships at a young age are exciting, fun, and care free. When you are young there are not as many problems and stresses to deal with. There are no bills to pay, no jobs to drudge through, and no life changing decisions that have to be made. Life is full of exciting expectations at a young age, so having friends and keeping in touch with them is much easier.
ReplyDeleteWhen we hit a certain point in our lives, everything seems to be out of hand. It is not easy to keep in touch with old friends while rushing through daily tasks and trying to survive in this current economy. Those old friends that provided comfort and fun times cannot really help you pay your bills or get you to work on time. This may be the reason why we do not stay in touch with old friends.
Old friendships were fun and meaningful, but only in a time when you had time to do all the fun things young friends enjoy. These friends do not provide you with the resources you need to survive, so you move on. You make new friends that have similar lives, share the same interests, and are there for you more often than someone you used to be friends with. I am not saying that old friendships are unimportant, because they are important. They provide us with fond memories of happiness and love. We can always look back to those great friendships and smile, but we are human and we will make new friendships that better suite are lifestyles and our needs as time keeps rolling on by.
After reading this quote, it stuck me with the finality that childhood friendships have. I had been best friends with mine since I moved to my new school in 3rd grade and after we graduated from eighth, I saw her maybe three times again. It really highlights what holds friends together. Without the commonality of childhood school yards, my best friend and I no longer had anything in common. We say that it doesn't really matter that we don't have anything in common but it does. We say that we will stay friends forever but really we won't. It's harsh but it is true. It is one of the first lessons in life, all good things must come to an end. So in a way maybe it is good that we learn that early and help us prepare for the harsh realities of adulthood. I may not be in contact with my best friend from my childhood, but I know I will never forget her. She helped me through some of the hardest years of my life and without her I wouldn't be the person I am today.
ReplyDeleteMelissa McCracken
Matthew Brady said....
ReplyDeleteIt really puts into perspective the concept that relationships are work, and if you don't put in the work to keep them growing, they will fall apart. While family is something that will always be there, regardless of your lack of persistence at keep in touch (I know i'm at fault during my college years), friends are of a different meme.
We all like to think and act like our friends are just as synonymous with kin, though in the end, they require much more effort to keep up with then we think. There is no saying of "family forever" as we have for "friends forever", simply because it's implied and subconsciously understood. We shouldn't necessarily think of losing friends as we grow up as such a bad thing. We all change and grow into ourselves while acquiring new hobbies and interests, and a lot of the times, our friends reflect that ever changing attitude. Simply keeping an old friend that you now share no interests in may not be the best idea. I know that sounds awful but sometimes letting people you care about go is the best way to see positive growth in your own life; opening the door to new relationships with people that can, again, influence your life's journey.
*side note* i saw the picture of Sally Loo's at the top. They're AWESOME!
This provocative quotes reminds us how hard it is to maintain friendships, and how dramatically we change as we grow up. Many times friends grow apart even if you try to maintain the friendship, and other times they are not maintained and memories of a simpler time fade away. There are some friends that are in your lives forever and others that are just supposed to make an appearance and affect your life short-term. Yet relationships as well as friendships take work. I can admit that there were friends that I lost because I lost contact. Being busy, working, going to school, moving away, all of these life changes affect your life as well as the lives of your friends. Sometimes you just grow up and grow apart. But you will always have those memories of that friend. Those you can never lose.
ReplyDeleteIt is just sad that he is reminded of this through an overdraft email. How different life is now.
Elyse Cargo
I feel that this quote relates to individuals growing concern for self-interest that has occurred throughout the past couple generations. As a City Planning student, I have continuously read articles about growing self-interest and lack of community. In the past two decades, self-interest has lead to career-minded individuals whose work has spared friendships and relations with family members. In this case, Michele’s neglect to reciprocate her responsibilities and relations (friendship/finances) have left her pained by the nagging reminder of her email notification. When Michele states, “My terms. No balance. Early withdrawal,” she realizes her self-interest as the source of her flaws and irresponsibility.
ReplyDeleteMichele shows the disconnection that self-interest has on her life from childhood to adulthood. It reminds of the ending of Stephen King’s Stand By Me, as the narrator says, “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?” As we grow into adults, responsibilities burden us and our responses and efforts we place towards our friends and family will predict the vitality of these relationships.
Mark Polhemus
This statement by Michele Serros is unfortunately true for many people engulfed in the fast paced, me-first, western world. She starts this by talking about her financial troubles. Everyone can relate to financial stress whether it is the desire to just scrape by or acquire more wealth so you can be live in a bigger and better house and own the bigger and better car.
ReplyDeleteBut the real issue is the lack of commitment that is seen in our society. We are incredibly selfish today, which is why these childhood relationships don’t last. If our friend does not enjoy the same thing as us or believe the same things then it is easier to sever these ties than to put in the energy to accept their differences.
The fact that marriage age is rising higher than ever before in the western world is due to this “my terms” attitude. We understand that if we commit to another person for like it will require sacrifice on our part and that does not fill our selfish desires.
Facebook is a great example of our lack of commitment. On event invitation there are three different responses an invited person can check, ‘yes’ ‘no’ or ‘maybe’. In my experience the largest group of people checks the ‘maybe’ box. Sometimes people might truly be unsure if they can attend. But other times people check the maybe box so they don’t have to commit, and I have been guilty of checking the ‘maybe’ box for this reason too. It is a way out if a better, more fun activity that satisfies our selfish desires more than that event arises.
Unfortunately we live selfishly which ruins friendships and prevents us from living in the community we were designed be in. Our lives are unbalanced and our society is unsatisfied.
Danny Scarbrough
This comment describes the difficult and time consuming task of keeping friendships. In our society people can often get so caught up in other aspects of their life such as work, school, and the stress of money and providing for a family,that it has become diffucult to find time to maintain a friendship.
ReplyDeleteIt metions that she is reminded of her lost friendship when her credit card company sends her password hint over her email. This shows that people have become extremely dependent of the internet which is another reason that we can see friendships falling apart. With todays technology it is practically unnecessary to call someone and have a conversation over the phone or stop by their house to have a chat. All that is necessary is sending a text or a facebook comment to check in with them. This makes it difficult and nearly impossible to keep a strong friendship alive. People are often so concerned with their own problems and issues that they dont have time to help out friends.
The idea of basic reciprocity is then affected. If humans start losing people that they trust and have no one to depend on or fall back on in a time of need then survival becomes more difficult.
Maintaining friendships is so important and people in todays society have to resist the temptations of technology and put more effort in to keeping close friends.
Nicole Horner
This statement reminds me of the "falling out" with my friends and how you wish that you can truly be friends forever, but your standards of friends change as the life around you changes. In today's society, it is more convenient to be close friends with those that you are constantly surrounded by and have multiple things in common with. On the other hand, one of the only ways you can contact friends that are harder to see on a daily basis is through the internet. Even with the advances of the internet and social media, such as facebook and skype, it's hard to maintain a true and lasting friendship or relationship through a computer screen. Humans need that social contact with which they can maintain these attachments with people, otherwise they will find new relationships with people that can fulfill those requirements they need at that point in their life.
ReplyDeleteMaintaining friendships and relationships is highly demanding and when you feel that you aren't benefiting from the relationship, such as in never having social contact with the person, you are more likely to drift away and find other people that you can connect with. Therefore, how much each person is willing to put into the relationship is how long it will thrive.
Amanda Flynn
I remember the first friend I ever made. It was the first day of Kindergarten, and Christie and I were the first ones to arrive before class. We swung on the swings and our relationship both literally and figuratively, took off from there. We were great childhood friends. But just like I out grew my childhood, I also out grew Christie. This seems to follow the same evolutionary path as many childhood friendships. It is easy to think that you will be BFF's4L (best friends for life), because that is the comforting thought. But just as we grow and evolve as human beings, so do our fictive kin groups. We find our selves in a daily juggling act: school, work, money, family, sleep, eating. When someone doesn't fit into this cycle, it is easier to "withdraw" from the friendship. The cost of losing a friend is overshadowed by the added benefit of more time to access more resources. After all, our society is based on survival of the fittest and capitalism. But maybe it is these theories and applications that have generated the withdrawal process from friendships. But then again, what do I know? After all, I am the girl who had a "Best Friends" necklace when I was little. You know, the one that splits in have.I had one half, but today, I cannot, for the life of me, remember who had other half.
ReplyDeleteMichael Hada's comment:
ReplyDeleteI feel Serros has experienced a loss of one of her friends who used to be in the innermost circle, of her circle of intimacy. Ethnographic evidence has shown that groupings of about one hundred and fifty individuals make up our social network. We sit in the center of a series of expanding outward circles, and in the first circle is about five individuals, who we are very intimate with. These are the friends that take extreme interest in our lives as we share common threads, inside jokes, emotions, secrets. These are the friends that we count on when we are in need. Michele has lost one of these friends. Something happened that caused that individual to move outward in her social network, and they are no longer bff's (best friends forever). I get the feeling, that Michele didn't fulfill her role to her friend. Maybe her friend called on her for help, and Michele wasn't there for her? It sounds like she was preoccupied with her own self interests, and she feels guilty because she knows that friend would have been there for her.
This comment describes the difficulty found in maintaining meaningful relationships. It has been said that, "Good friends come and go, but true friends are always there". It is true that people fade in and out of our lives, but those that mean the most/love us the most will always remain constant characters in our individual live movies. This does not go without saying that it is indeed an individual's responsibility to maintain a friendship, and that no friendship survives without mutual effort. I also agree that it is also ironic that Michele is checking her statement on the internet because the very invention of the internet and email has demolished many friendships. The ability to communicate with others in a very impersonal manner requires little effort. It results in a lost of human contact, and ultimately friendship. This comment brings to mind my very best friend that I have known from age five and how lucky I am to still be closely in contact with her despite living in different states! It is hard to imagine where I would be without good friends in my life!
ReplyDeleteWhen reading Michele Serro's poem I thought about the friends that I have left behind, the friends that I could rely on at any giving moment and where my connections remain with them today. I think about why we hardly, if at all, talk to eachother and 95% of the reason is my fault. From the beginning of elementary school to the end of high school, my closest friends were always beside me and if I needed them, they were only a mile away. But today, those friends aren't there anymore. Going to college created a huge disconnect between me and my friends that stayed at home and the friends that went in a different direction, to a different school. At first, I called them or if I was busy called them back, but as time went on it was harder. The busy days with school, the new friends, and the new interests made it hard for me to stay in contact with them. It seemed as though there wasn't much for me to talk to them about and it seemed to slip my mind to call them. Maybe I didn't have time for them, but after reading this, I realize I didn't make time for them. Reading this makes me want to reconnect and see how things are. I wonder what they are up to next weekend when I go home, I'm going to give them a call right now and see if we can catch up on some lost time.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Ken Lorber
I think this quote really highlights not only the false social promises that we commit to, such as "friends forever," but also how egotistical humans are. I can definitely admit that as a child I had probably five or six "friends" that I claimed were "forever," and now I have no idea where they are or what they are doing with their lives. I think the reason we commit to these "forevers" is solely for ourselves--reassurance that the other person will be for us in the future. It is not what we give in a relationship but what we get in return, and that is why we try to convince ourselves and others that these relationships are forever. I think when Serros says "my terms. no balance. early withdrawal" it illustrates how self-serving these relationships really are. It is completely true, relationships do operate on our terms and rules without regard for the other person. The only reason relationship appears to work because both of the people are operating on the same terms, making the impression that there is balance and both people are satisfied. As for "early withdrawal," that is just the harsh way of saying "i'm done," which we all are with friendships quite often. I think that this passage was very true and a worthy illustration of how relationships in today's society work. It is a social commentary that has definitely stuck in my mind and made me think.
ReplyDeleteLaura Loegering
This quote does really have a meaning for all of us, and reaches each of us in different ways. I personally see it as a metaphor for monetary wealth and the wealth of having healthy relationships. When you lose track of your bank account, when your spending gets out of control, and when you find you've let yourself down once again, it is easy to see why other parts of your life can slip away without you noticing. Friends can be delicate things, but when you invest your time in them and take care of your relationship with them, they can become amazing companions.
ReplyDeleteFrom time to time I find myself becoming a bad friend, neglecting and avoiding my closest after long absences. But, as goes with debt and money issues, you simply have to face them. Just as it is not healthy to argue and scream with your closest friends, negative balances shouldn't be left lurking in your account. I did consider attempting to make a simile about filing for bankruptcy and losing a friend, but a friend is so much more than money lost. It is hard to be broke, but it is even harder to be alone. Michele Serros states this poignantly in her quote.
This quote, though sad is a reality. It is not uncommon for the best of friends to lose touch over time. As you get older, your interests change and so do your priorities. That friendship that was once valued dearly is no longer beneficial to you. It is not not a bad think i believe it is natural. There is always the opportunity to get back in touch with that person if you so desire. The quote is a sad reality, but thats how life goes sometimes.
ReplyDeleteJordan Lewis
A relationship can be very rewarding. Today many people use social networking tools like facebook and cell phones to better these relationships. In my opinion social networking tools increase the total number of relationships you are involved in, but as a consequence it degrades the value of the your relationship. I think this is a result the great ease of communication. It takes relatively little effort to “keep up” with people using social networking tools.
ReplyDeleteThe way I see it having a best friend forever is a realistic thing, but it takes a different pace of life. It is about finding a balance between how "there" you want to be.
-Maximilian Gasseholm
Childhood friendships unfortunately do not always last a lifetime. I'm sure we can all think of one friend that we seemed so close to at one time. But then life happens; people go different directions. The chaos that technology brings blurs relationships. Relationships are all about balance, about reciprocating. It takes both parties to commit to the relationship and not get lost in the daily grind.
ReplyDeleteMichelle Higginbotham